there's paper in my vomit.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't want my vagina anymore.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
