dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
