i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
