it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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