You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
