hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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