Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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