All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
