haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
