hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
