I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
