take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
