sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
