and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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