Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
