she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
