A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
