So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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