the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
