Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
there is glitter all over my balls
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