how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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