that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
