I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
