i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
