Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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