Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
