Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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