my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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