I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
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I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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