i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think my nap took me to another dimension
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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