this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
