I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
