i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
