So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
