Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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