Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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