I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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