nut hugger
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
