new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
