the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
