Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
two words...techno handjob
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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