I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
