I CAN MOONWALK!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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