I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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