Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize