6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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