can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
