I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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