Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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