Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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