I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
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You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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