She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
