i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
