is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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