I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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