I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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