I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
