She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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