Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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