She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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