I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm bleeding and have questions
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
