Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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