So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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