Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
