I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Everything about him screamed your future.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
