im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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