i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
